I Believe You Have My Stapler

Todays Monday Movie Moment is brought to you by:
Office Space

Peter.

Michael.

What the hell’s going on, man?
I thought you were gonna come in here and start shooting.

No. I just came to get my address book.
I’m not gonna stay.
I got a phone number, Mike, that I don’t wanna lose.

What?
Peter, you’re in deep shit.
You were supposed to come in on Saturday.
What were you doing?

Michael, I did nothing.
I did absolutely nothing…
and it was everything that I thought it could be.

Well, I hope you have a better story than that for Lumbergh.
You know you’re supposed to be having your interview right now with the consultants.

The who?

The consultants.
What has gotten into you?

Oh, yeah… right.

Wait, Peter. Peter. You gotta postpone it, man.
Tell ‘em you’ve been sick. Make something up.

Oh, no way. No, I feel great.
It’s the best day of my life.


Next batter looks like a Peter Gibbons.

Uh-huh.

Ah, there you are.
We were just talking about you.
You must be Peter Gibbons.
Uh-huh. Terrific.
I’m Bob Slydell.
This is my associate Bob Porter.

Oh, hi, Bob. Bob.

Why don’t you go ahead and grab a seat and join us for a minute or two.
You see, what we’re actually trying to do here…
is were just, we’re trying to get a feel…
for how people spend their day at work.
So if you would…
would you walk us through a typical day for you?

Yeah.

Great.

Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late.
Uh, I use the side door.
That way Lumbergh can’t see me.
And after that, I just sort of space out for about an hour.

Uh. “space out”?

Yeah.
I just stare at my desk.
But it looks like I’m working.
I do that for probably another hour after lunch, too.
I’d say in a given week…
I probably only do about fifteen minutes of real, actual work.

Um, Peter, would you be a good sport…
and indulge us and just…
tell us a little more?

Oh, yeah.
Let me tell you something about TPS reports.
Ahh…
.....
The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy.
It’s that I just don’t care.

Don’t… don’t care?

It’s a problem of motivation, all right?
Now, if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units…
I don’t see another dime.
So, where’s the motivation?
And here’s something else, Bob…
I have eight different bosses right now.

I beg your pardon?

Eight bosses.

Eight?

Eight, Bob.
So that means that when I make a mistake…
I have eight different people coming by to tell me about it.
That’s my only real motivation, is to not be hassled.
That and the fear of losing my job. But you know, Bob…
that’ll only make someone work just hard enough not to get fired.

Would you bear with me for just a second, please?

OK.

What if - - and believe me… this is strictly hypothetical - -
but what if you were offered some kind of a stock option equity-sharing program?
Would that do anything for you?

I don’t know. I guess.
Listen, I’m gonna go.
Uh, it’s been really nice talking to both of you guys.

Yes.

Absolutely.
The pleasure’s all on this side of the table, trust me.

Good luck with your layoffs, all right?
I hope your firings go really well.

OK. Thanks a lot.

Great. Wow.