I stumbled across this book the other day and it's title caught my attention, so I thought I'd share it with you:
(p.s., for a good laugh, click the MJ link at the bottom of this list)
(And Al Franken is #37)
A few words about the list and how I came up with it.
First, I didn't take a poll. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but this is my list. There won't be two people in the whole country who agree with every name in the book. "Why in the world did you put him on it?" someone is going to yell at me. "How come you left her off the list?" Because the people on it are the ones I think are screwing things up. And it won't take long to notice that there are a lot of liberals on the list, which, of course, is just how it ought to be.
If I were compiling a list years ago, say, when I was in college, there'd be a lot of conservatives on it. But this isn't years ago, and besides, I'm smarter now than I was back then ...
-from the introduction
Okay, Paris Hilton has an excuse. She's a moron.
But her parents can't be left off so easily. If they gave Nobel Prizes for the mom and dad who raised the most vapid, empty-headed, inane, hollow, vain, tasteless, self-centered, useless twerp in the entire country - maybe in the entire world - Rick and Kathy Hilton would be on their way to Stockholm to pick up the medal.
Name doesn't ring a bell, you say. Maybe this will help: You're watching cable television, probably late at night, a commercial comes on, and there's a "grown-up" man wearing big eyeglasses, a black suit emblazoned with lime green question marks, and a lime green bow-tie emblazoned with lime green question marks, and while he's prancing around in front of the Capitol building in Washington,
he's shouting in a high-pitched voice about all the "free money"
the government has ... just for you!
The "free money" Lesko is talking about isn't really free at all. It's "tax money," which, in his way of thinking, is "everybody's money," otherwise known as "nobody's money."
Sheila Jackson Lee is a black Democratic congresswoman from Texas who has put her finger on one of the greatest problems
facing African-Americans in these United States of America.
There aren't any hurricanes named after black people.
I guess that means there aren't enough hurricanes named Keisha, Jamal, DeShawn, or LaToya. I mean, black people also have names like (such well-known recent hurricanes as) Charley and Frances, but I'm pretty sure that's not what she's talking about.
His name is Todd Goldman, but I like to think of him as the T-shirt Genius. Why? Well, because Todd Goldman is the "brains" behind a line of boy-bashing T-shirts emblazoned with slogans like these:
"Boys are stupid! Throw rocks at them!" "Lobotomy-How to train boys." "Boys cheat...Cut off their feet."
The fact is we live in a time when it's become okay to belittle not only men, but also future men. Never mind that in almost every negative statistical category - from failure in school to suicide - boys today are in worse shape than girls, and the gap is only increasing.
96 - Eve Ensler
You know the Grinch who stole Christmas? Think of Eve Ensler as the Loon trying to steal Valentine's Day! That's not how Ensler thinks of herself, of course. She thinks of herself as a wise and compassionate freethinker and social activist. And most important-trust me folks, this is not a joke-she thinks of herself as the Vagina Woman. In fact, Ensler is so proud of the vagina-her own and that of every other woman-that she wrote a very important play about it, called The Vagina Monologues.
95 - Courtney Love
Ho.
94 - Guy Velella
For years, Bronx Republican chairman and state senator Guy Velella was one tough hombre - especially when it came to crime. Most politicians wouldn't think twice about punks who commit mere misdemeanors, right? Velella wasn't most politicians. He rammed a bill through the New York State Senate ensuring that anyone convicted of three misdemeanors in ten years would be treated as a felon and have to do hard time. Enough coddling of these guys, he said; no longer would "criminals have a blank check when it comes to their number of misdemeanor convictions." This was in February 2004.
Three months later, Senator Velella got an even better chance to show how he felt about crime and punishment - his own. Facing up to fifteen years in prison after being indicted for taking $137,000 in bribes from contractors to steer state business to him and a couple of his partners, he leapt at a plea bargain that put him in jail for only a year; then paid his hundreds of thousands of dollars in legal bills from his campaign fund, all the while managing to hang on to his tax-free $80,000 pension.
As his campaign commercials used to say: One Special Guy!
Led off to do his time on Riker's Island with the other bad-asses, sixty-year-old Guy Velella behaved exactly as you might guess.
Like a man. A girlie man.
93 - Richard Timmons
Speaking of Whiners ... You know the old joke about the guy who killed his parents and expects sympathy because he's an orphan? Think Richard Timmons. If you're looking for a poster boy for victimhood gone wild, Richard Timmons is your man!
Timmons didn't kill his parents. He went one better.
On June 8, 1997, in New york City, he took an ax and brutally murdered three people: his wife (whom he beheaded), his seven-year-old son (whom he also beheaded), and his thirteen-year-old stepson (whom he stabbed to death). Then in March 2004, while he was serving three life sentences, Richard Timmons decided he was a victim, too. So he sued New York City in federal court for $80 million, claiming that he was beaten by the police while they were interrorgating him.
The good news is that it took the jury less than one hour to reach its verdict. The jurors told Richard Timmons - who acted as his own attorney - to take a hike right back to his prison cell.
He didn't get one cent in damages.
On the other hand, you've really got to wonder about what's going on when a guy like Timmons gets to have a case like this heard at all. I know, in this country even monsters have rights. But you look at Richard Timmons and you have to wonder if we've lost our minds.
92 - Kerri Dunn
Kerri Dunn is one of those marginal figures that pop up every now and then to show just how far the world has spun off its axis. Think of Dunn as higher education's (white, middle-class) version of Tawana Brawley:
a self-dramatizing phony caught crying wolf,
revealing for everyone to see the stomach-turning role of victimhood-and PC idiocy in general-on today's college campus.
On August 18, 2004, Dunn, until recently a visiting professor of psychology at Claremont-McKenna College, was convicted in a Pomona, California courtroom of attempted insurance fraud
and later sentenced to one year in state prison.
91 - Barbara Streisand
I love Barbara Striesand. She is, without a doubt, one of the great singers of our time. And as a political commentator,
she is without a doubt, one of the great singers of our time.
Look, I don't really want to put her on the list. But, come on,
she's Barbara Streisand. How could she not be on the list?.
She's here because someone with such a beautiful voice shouldn't use it to say so many ugly things. I mean, she says, George Bush "stole the presidency." She says that "not only is he poisoning our air and water-he's poisoning our political system as well." And then,
when she's not denigrating W and knocking him down, she says,
"I don't know why it is that we need to denigrate, to knock down.
It's so unhealthy for the culture. It's so sick."
I'm tempted to say, "you're not funny, girl," but I won't.
90 - Michael Jackson
If I have to explain it to you, you shouldn't be reading this book!
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